I would really appreciate your help…
Someone suggested that I could get paid to write and that I should set up a donations page. So here goes! It feels a little awkward but this is what I would like to do full-time, write. I can’t pay my bills unless I earn my way so this will be my leap of faith. Thank you for letting me believe I have wings! Please note your donation is in NZ dollars and you may determine the amount – thank you again x
NZ$1.00
I’m tired
Tired of not
being included
in your future
Even though
we have a five
year past
I’m tired
of grieving for
my future
When all
you do is
grieve for
your past
It won’t last…
Kait King 2020
So I’m asked to describe how I concentrate to write or focus on anything when pain is such a major contributor in my life and a permanent. I thought about it for a second. The doctor had used the whiteboard and drawn “my brain” with pain in the background and words like focus, concentration, motivation scribbled at the front with arrows looking like they were trying to get into my brain. Understandably these things all present a challenge but the way I see it, is that the pain is like an intricate piece of lace that is draped across my brain. In between the detailed lacy gaps things like concentration, motivation and focus do filter through. And depending on how tight the stitching is sometimes it is easier for those things to flow through and other times not so much. This might make sense to some of you – I’m not sure.
Also I’m not big on the word hope. I don’t want hope – I want it sorted now or I will just live with it until some such miracle cure arrives – but I’m not spending my life or any time at all with the hope that I will be fine again. It is what it is. They say hope is a word used for people who don’t want to accept. That is not who I want to be – I know a part of me longs for my body to be pain free but that is just not how it is.
I believe that determination comes from my soul and I will carve my way through whatever it is the universe chooses to share with me and be grateful at the same time – because even though I can’t walk very far, I can write – just a different double u (w)…. 🙂
© Kait King, 2015
![Disappointed Love, 1821. Oil on panel, 24 3/4 x 32 in. (62.8 x 81.2 cm). Inv.: FA.65[O].](https://kaitkingthewriter.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/say-it.jpg?w=300)
You say the words
I want to hear
But your actions tell me
loud and clear
that you don’t even
want me here
© Kait King, 2015

And confusion rages
like a winter storm
pushing through my
veins and there’s nothing
I can think
Although there is plenty
I could do
But the storm is
blinding and vicious
And I’m thinking of
my life
Like between a rock
and a hard place
And no, I’m not trapped
I’m not unhappy…
with right now
As the ever-bleeding
heart I’m eased
into the terror of
the unknown
It’s not a bad dream
If it was I wouldn’t know if
I really want to wake up –
Does this just mean for me
that it’s time to face reality?
© Kait King, 2016
I am a Master bater
doh….
Baker…..!!!!
Master baker! 
© Kait King, 2015

My Mum and Dad in Queen St, Auckland 1956
I walk down the aisle
my eyes passing over cards
words springing out
about Mum going
the whole nine yards
And I stop to read a few
The words just seem
insipid
when I think of you,
Mum
A journey into the intrepid
Four babies later
and over 60 years married
Through wars, tonsillitis,
tears and love you tarried
Now, here I am
a mother too
And these words I say: “I love you”
Have also come
from my son’s mouth
and heart
But to say them to you
doesn’t even begin to start
to express what a fantastic Mum you’ve been
You’ve done a good job,
I’m a good human being
So I tell you you’re an amazing Mum
and people are proud
of the job you’ve done!
© Kait King, 2015
I can hear the cicadas
with their sliding
grinding legs
laughing kids
melting ice-creams
Clothes freshly dried
on a line
neatly pegged
That sun shine
warm tar
summer rain smell
That open-roofed car
chasing oceanic swells
Those exotic looking palms
lining Rodeo-type roads
giggling girls
in bikinis and curls
with their Summer Sunbodies
on show
© Kait King, 2015
I come home
the cat’s at my feet
kids are crying
but there’s nothing made to eat
It’s a hard day at work
with paper knee deep
and the heater’s broken
so I can’t get to sleep
Yet another day comes
we follow like sheep
I can’t find the faith
to make that big leap
I know I shouldn’t take it in
so very, very deep
But it seems to be sort of extra hard
when you aren’t someone who cheats
© Kait King, 2015
Beleaguered bones
please carry me there
Flattened feet
walk on
Before an age of telephones
while life is unfair
a vicious sweet
a blessed carrion
you read
you eat
walk on
© Kait King, 2015
You crush me
Yes, you’re bigger
than me
You’d have to be blind
not to see
that you’re twice the size
of me
But I’m getting tired of
being pushed around
I hate the way you always
bring me down
Slutting yourself all over
this town
And I lie here
so crushed – so deep
underground
© Kait King, 2016
But…
I let you in
Nobody
gets in
You’re supposed to stay
not walk away
I shared
everything –
gave you my all
you were supposed to love me
not push me
and watch
me fall
© Kait King, 2016
What was the last live performance you saw?
Me, deciding what jeans to peel myself into and out of. What a performance!😄😎
If you’re very rarely or never told “No” or don’t have to wait or work for anything, will it be a harder struggle to get on in the World? (This is based on most normal and reasonable of situations – single or separate parenting included and of course, on a continuum).
In the “Real World” no one else treats you the same way as your parents do. No one else cares the same way for you as your parents do. No one else in the World will give you the same leeway. Will one lack a certain resilience because one can’t deal with a No, or don’t understand why it’s a No?
Your Ego takes a beating, hearing all those ‘yeses’ and how wonderful you are at everything and then a No would just take the wind right out of your sails, it’s a shock. Is it about that resilience? Even against adversity and with all the curve balls life throws you, wouldn’t it be better to be able to face that adversity? I am not talking about being a nagging No Hound about everything – but I do think we need to prepare our children for “out there”! Just tell them the truth, make them stand for something, let them know what their strengths and weaknesses are and let them embrace them all and use them to their best advantage in this crazy Life.
If it is about resilience then we must give our children that strength and fight. They need these things to be able to survive – and not just survive but to live well.
Kait King 2017
I just want you to know
that you are not alone
I know it sounds empty –
we can’t talk
I can’t hug you
I can’t invite you into my home
But I need you to know
that there is someone out there
someone who also feels the same
is sick of the same game
and shares the same fears
If I can make you understand
this is not what defines you
but the choices you make
from this day forward
even when you don’t know
what to do
© Kait King, 2015
What cruel god
sent you to me
dark hair
dark eyes
dark soul
What fallen angel
turned on me
bitter anger
bitter words
bitter mind
What desperado
begged to be
the embittered mind
and darkened soul
in me
© Kait King, 2015
I am lying
on my bed
it’s too hot
and the TV’s
too loud
Yet the noisiest
thing
is you
in my head
I can hear
the washing machine
beeping and
beeping endlessly
WTF is wrong
with those things?!
I know I should
eat something
but
I truly can’t be
bothered
it’s just
food
it’s just
money
it’s just
love
it’s just
life…
© Kait King, 2016
You
walk among us
Very Shadow-y
Some of us
are skeptics and
some of us
will see
Kait King 2020

warped, crippled
twisted and blackened
my monsters will be set free
decrepit, decayed,
barren of soul
sit here or there
and all will see
Damaged, Dangerous,
Dark and Fright
my monsters travel day or night
bad dreams,
bad thoughts,
dark dreams,
No light –
not all is as it seems
with knuckle-bite fright….
© Kait King, 2015
With drifting tendrils
of Spring
Summer curls her way
into
places
where shadows
hang around
with a Wintery gruffness
A warmth travels –
infrequently
flying through
the trees and grasses
with just a tease
of what’s to come
Sky of blue and spring rains fall
the fluttering tweets
and grassy delights of the
new nesting families hurrying along
Spring’s lazy gait
© Kait King, 2016
I never wanted to use my WordPress site as an openly resistant, political page, but I feel that right now, I’m left with no other option.
New Zealand, the beautiful clean and green, happy little island country we are portrayed as, by the government and its departments, is just not true.
In the last few months I’ve been witness to the uprising of Kiwis who have just had enough. Groups of peaceful people who want to see change to the tyrannical government, its subsidiaries, fascist politicians, policies, borders and mandates.
Jacinda Ardern, our shitty leader, is dropping radically in the political world. She is viewed as both a fascist and a communist, holding hands too tightly with the CPP for most of our comfort.
Many of us are against doing that to ourselves let alone our kids. Now we have lockdowns, borders and mandates. But for what? In NZ 500 plus people die of the flu every year, in TWO years Covid has killed 33 people here. With a worldwide survival rate of 99.93% the reaction to this virus has been like way, waaaay over the top. So is there something else going on here? Why do you need booster shots? Did the last 2, 3 or 4 not work? This ‘vax” has not one iota of Covid in it. By definition a vaccine has a part of the virus in it for your body to learn to recognise it. I see sports people dropping like flies after their jabs and booster shots. Young people just dropping dead on the field in the middle of a game or training.
Known locally as The Prime Sinister, she has mandated an experimental vax (I just can’t call it a vaccine, because it just isn’t!). With all of the scaremongering going on worldwide about Covid-19 and the Delta variant, many were duped (and I really do mean tricked!), into getting this fucking jab that I believe is poisonous, untested and has a very unsound background.
The Prime Sinister’s husband, sorry, life partner?, told families to hold the grandchildren to ransom to get the grandparents vaxxed. What the actual fuck!?! Who would EVER say that, to withhold anyone from anyone like that is pure and simple BLACKMAIL. Our Prime Sinister has sunk to the lowest levels. Our mainstream media also paid off by the big guys, their reporting belittling the amount of Kiwi’s turning up to protest. Now she flies everywhere because where she goes, the protesters go. We are reported and spoken of as anti-vaxxers and that is the furthest thing from the truth. We just want the CHOICE to do the jab or not. We are just pro choice and freedom. Why are we trapped from our loved ones? This Covid virus is just another flu, stay home if you’re sick and even less people die from it. If a vaccine was to be mandated shouldn’t it be for the flu that kills over 500 people a year? None of this is making sense and we need to connect the dots and take action. Someone in power and a position of trust has way more accountability and needs to answer the people. There’s plenty of clips and information online showing Ardern not addressing questions and avoiding press. I believe there should be a council elected by the people – I’m not sure how that works, but not one oligarchic egotistical tyrant should rule over anybody singularly.
On the 15th of November thousands of healthcare workers, teachers, doctors, nurses and everybody else in that sector had to choose between the jab or their job. Thousands walked out yesterday. Our prime sinister is a bully and an out of control political leader. She will go down in history as one of the most hated and divisive leaders of New Zealand. She has split up families, stopped people seeing each other, stopped people hugging and loving each other, scared children and is now trying to poison them too. The list is endless and I wish to see her and her clowns removed from the government and held accountable for the inhumanity to man. Many human rights have been broken and we, the People, will unite and will take our home back from these evil vulgar elitist monsters.
So this is my rant about my home, in a nutshell. We are fed up and wanting the world to see NZ in the real shadow of this evil dictator. We, the people, want our home back.
Kait King – spoken on behalf of those freedom fighters who feel the same way!
16th July 2023
UPDATE: The new National government is in power, and nothing has really changed. It’s the same indoctrinated poisoned barrel of apples in government seats again. Those who spoke up got elected and are now silent to the cause of freedom for Kiwis. The future of us all rests in the hands of We, The People.
“I’m so bored
but I’ve got so much
to do!”
“Nothing…
And you?”
© Kait King, 2017
So it’s another day – whoopdeefrickendoo
Another uncharted territory I have to see myself through
crap…
no map
© Kait King, 2015
The first time
it wasn’t that much
fun
before I got
my panties off
he was already
done…
© Kait King, 2015
No, I’m not OK
she said
And I didn’t know
what to do
But all she really needed
was someone to
talk to
Not everything is
fixable
or even wants to
be fixed, so
we learn to live with
special things
sometimes things we would
never show
some things are just too ugly
to let anybody know
© Kait King, 2016

There’s this buzzy
little feeling –
right in the center of me
And although my body is weighted
something in there
has zero gravity
Is that my Troubled Spirit
or could it be my Lonely Soul?
If I caste this bodily feeling
is it my Spirit that makes me
Whole?
© Kait King, 2016
To all family, friends, fans, followers and the Universe – thank you, I wouldn’t be on this path if it wasn’t for those of you who are supporting me as I uncrinkle myself from my cocoon to be a new….top selling writer/poet/Monster Maker! But sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thank you x
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: My home is being crushed under a tyrant. We need help, we need to be noticed as part of the uprising https://anchor.fm/kait-king/episodes/My-home-is-being-crushed-under-a-tyrant–We-need-help–we-need-to-be-noticed-as-part-of-the-uprising-e1bvq33
A young man stood in front of me. Slightly overweight with a bad crew cut. His left arm was heavily bandaged. He held it out to me like an offering – a kind gesture.
“What happened to you?” I asked. He dipped his head shyly and poked a toe at the grubby, coffee-stained carpet.
“It’s a long story.” He mumbled, “I was in love with a girl. I loved her for a really long time.”
His eyes flashed up briefly to catch mine. Glancing up to the right and back to the floor he continued.
“We always walked to school together – I was, I guess, obsessed with her.” I could see another flicker in his eyes, but of hesitation or clutching at a memory. “I bought her flowers and chocolates, wrote her cards and love letters. For a long time…” he trailed off.
“How long?”
“I dunno…” He scrunched his face up as if he was in pain, then breathed out, “Six years, three months, one week and four days.” And obviously still counting, alarmingly!
“That’s a long time to love someone.” I said.
It’s a long time to love someone if they don’t love you back.” He said, looking directly at me – scrutinizing my reaction.
“So why did you keep writing and giving to her?”
I thought she would love me if I could show her how much I loved her. I thought I could have her. She would be mine – but she left. She came up here, to the big smoke. She got a job, and apartment, new friends – a whole life of her own. What she didn’t realise was that she was my life. So I came to live here too. Then I followed her from her work one day. Just pretended I was in the area and had bumped into her, random like. That was not a very good thing to do – she got really mad and told me to leave…to leave her alone.” He stopped, rubbed his good arm across his eyes and sighed.
“That’s when I got this really cool idea!” His face lit up with his remembered ingenuity. “See, I read in a book somewhere that Van Gough had cut his ear off and sent it to the love of his life. So I thought to myself that I would prove how much I loved her – I would send her my arm. That’s bigger than an ear – it must mean more! So the next day I go to work and do my job. When I thought everyone had gone home, I turned my skill-saw back on and tried to cut my arm off.” He swallows a gulp of air and grins at me crazily.
“Geez, didn’t that hurt?” I ask.
“That’s why I stopped!” he laughs. “I pushed my arm onto the saw and it sliced quickly -which was my intention. Blood pissed everywhere – it quickly got through the bones before I had a chance to pull back and well….it was just kind of hanging off and that’s when I thought to myself; Shit, what the hell am I doing – this hurts! What a mess too. I would’ve died too , I suppose, if the other guy hadn’t heard me screaming before I passed out.”
© Kait King, 2015
Inhale me
breathe me
full of love
in our
rustic orange
dreams
in a dusty rose
forgetfulness
and a place
of forgotten
feelings
touch my soul
keep me there
quiet
perfect
and whole
© Kait King, 2015
I will not be labeled
As damaged or disabled
I won’t let myself think
I’ll just go down like
Water gurgling in a sink
I try to envision my life
With more purpose
Than “useless”
Sometimes this is
An exercise
Quite fruitless
I won’t slide down
That gurgling sink
And I know that’s what
A lot of people
Think
But I’ve proved them
Wrong before
Not just once
But even more
I won’t quietly go down
That gurgling sink
I have more words
To say
More words
I must ink
I’m not here
To kick up a stink
I just want to make
More people think
Before I go down
That gurgling sink
Kait King 12th July 2019
I am not
Somebody
I am
Everyone
My tears
are Ours
My time
is Hours
Running in
to Days
Years
Decades
I am not
Some Body
I am
Every One
My Heart
beats
a Song
that
my Spirit
sings along
Broken but
Hopeful
Sad but
a Dreamer
I am not
Somebody
I am
Everyone
Kait King 17th February 2020
It doesn’t matter what you do
chew up my panties
leave a present that’s a poo
bury personal items
dig a deeper hole
drag cow dung inside
pee on the stripper pole
rip up the newspaper
before it’s even read
take up most of the room
in my double bed
chew a cavern in the chair
bark at things that are not there
but I’d like to make it very clear –
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you
even though I’m only worth a poo
I really, really do love you 🙂
(Just to make things clear, I’m talking about a dog, not my man!)
© Kait King, 2015
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
I believe it’s been
All the wrong ones
The bad decisions
The poor choices
They were my teachers
The water needed to grow
Were the tears that I cried
My food was
food for thought
I learned
I grew
I knew,
I knew….
More than an easy before
Way….
Way much more
Kait King
I hit rock bottom
I sat on that bottom rock
weeds and roots
tethered me close
and not in a Lovers’ Lock
Catatonic in my despair
broken like a car crash victim
I clutched at straws
and sucked in air
feeling like I needed
Lithium
Overwhelmed by what
I’m not
broken by what I was
fighting what it has to be
a fallen star, a lost cause,
tell it as it is
that old me
will never leave
it’s a part of what makes me
my body may have
let me down
but when I write ,
I’m free
© Kait King, 2015
There’s just no stopping
a speeding bullet
straight to the heart
With no clanking armour
or a bullet-proof vest
so it rips you apart
There’s just no way
to make it unscathed
through the day
with no love and no hope
no string to cling to
No reason to stay
© Kait King, 2015
I feel
the sunshine
on my face
through emerald
branches
like delicate
spider-web lace
I feel
the warm
and soothing rays
of those dreamy
summer days
I wish I could
go back
to that place….
© Kait King, 2015
Love flutters
like a drowning butterfly,
swallowed up
whole –
Struggling to keep my
head above the
ripples of your heart
Yet still wanting to be
hopelessly – no,
recklessly
flung into those depths
drowning…
drowning…
Kait King
I think the misty patch above us is my Dad, who has passed, trying to get in on the photograph
I hold your hand
I touch your face
I gently stroke
your hair
Your hands are
cold
Your eyes stay
closed
There is nobody there
I tell you
that I love you
I’m sorry that you’re
here
But I don’t think
you hear me
because nobody’s
there
My grieving started
a while back
And intensified
this year
I thank God you
can’t hear me crying
Because nobody’s there
It’s just a body
we’ll bury
With loving memories
we’ll hold dear
And I will miss you
terribly,
Because you
will
not
be here
Kait King 27th June 2020
It’s your eyes
It’s your mouth
It’s your smile
your heart
your laughter
But it’s my heart
my fear
It’s my love
my hope
That’s what I’m after
Kait King 2017

There’s a part of me
that will always go on
I’ve shared this with our Mother Earth
She called him my son
There’s nothing so wild
as the ride that we’re on
mother and child
a bond
we hold on
And there you were
with paintbrush eyelashes
A baby blue blanket
and everything about you was so small
And here you are
with a shy tattoo on you
An eye, ear, lip piercing
And everything about you now is tall
There’s all of you
that makes me smile
When you hug me so big and
hang around for a while
There’s you and me and then
everybody else
I never knew that it would be you
to teach me about myself
© Kait King, 2015
I love you Jay 🙂 xxx
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