Feeling like the Titanic

underwater-photos-scott-3 TitanicShe’s listing

dangerously –

hair unwashed

no make-up on,

even the Captain

abandoned her

uninteresting,

over-weight and

needy

Stuck in the

iceberg solid

icy

cold

unwanted connection –

The dark will soon

be upon the wreck

alone

lonely

lost

© Kait King, 2016

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Does it Sting? – aka Pointless

skeletal mona lisa

Does it sting?

Can you feel

my hate

my anger

blistering at you?

Inflamed and furious

that not even the

Herculean strength of my own

sanity will tie it down

My bitterness seeps out

of my pores

leaving a trail of

achingly sad tearful

nights and aimless lonely

days

Does it sting?

Can you feel me

loathing you from afar?

My hate for you is so

giant – it has to be visible

surely you can feel this

surely you know I am hating you

betrayed by you, unforgiving

of you – surely….

What do you mean, he’s got another girlfriend?

© Kait King, 2015

Being the Ogre

being the_OgreYou promise you’ll be home tonight

to kiss the kids and hold me tight

You tell me it won’t be the same

until it happens once again

You say I am the only one

and what’s been done can’t be undone

I stay quietly alone all through the day

watching our kids grow and play

and when the door opens later at night

they think you’re home, that they are all right

But bedtime comes and they can’t wait up

I am the ogre who’s taken their pup

Little do they know you don’t give a damn

Fathers’ like you shouldn’t be called men

© Kait King, 2015

Oh I Didn’t See You There…

Oh I didn't

It’s going to get dark again, even if the sun is shining I know what I’m in for.  Staring into nowhere with a sense of hopelessness and despair that seems to have no end at the time.  So you’re back, you’ve returned with your sticky, clingy sadness I must wear as a shawl.  It’s a shawl made of all my wrong-doings, lost dreams, failed relationships, and a frightening anxiety about the future.  It weighs a tonne and I struggle to sit up in bed with it on, or get out of bed, or brush my teeth or my hair…you weigh me down, Depression.

I didn’t know I was feeling so bad until I was in the kitchen making myself a coffee…I had been thinking negatively, granted.  And the cold of winter doesn’t make it easy either so the future looks grim with the situation I’m in.  This is the exact time the Shawl of Depression draped herself securely around me so I had to drag myself sadly and tearfully back to my bed.  I see the sky, the sun, the birds, the beauty – the beauty in everything but me and my life.  Then I tell myself off for being so ungrateful and get angry at the things that stop me being who I want to be.  My anger covers the fear and anxiety.  I would rather be angry than scared.  It’s a long process to get to angry.  It’s a long, unseen, unknown process that puts me there in the first place though.

I lie facing the wall.  I don’t want to look  at beautiful things.  My eyes are open, I’m not moving though – my breathing hasn’t changed, it’s still, rhythmical and the tears just seem to fall out of my eyes endlessly.  No noise, no change, nothing – just a waterfall coming out of my face that seems like it won’t let up.  I don’t understand the grief or the sadness.  Perhaps it is the broken me saying goodbye to the real me but refusing to let me go… In a little bit I will sit up and write about this.  It’s crippling and yet I know I have to ride this out.  I know I should take a good look at those feelings but I’m just too angry at the moment…

Kait King 2017